Alongside the loneliness that comes unfortunately with single-mindedness, as a photographer in my case, there is loss of breath, much like a sniper i think if I’m breathing too heavily I might disturb the subject matter. Putting people off in the process of taking their photo is not the name of the game. I’m easing into their path ways, their world, how big it is. I don’t want them to change to quickly as most of these new worlds are darker than the good old sunshine days. They inhabit early houses and club cultures that most of those smooth babies sleeping are oblivious to, the light lowering is my problem lowering, my shutter speed lowering is my whole body lowering and with this slur i hope for standing still, no moves please, no sudden love or gestures, it’s all business “Stay where you are” – it can be almost impossible.
One particular subject Brockmann from Walthamstow is an edgy jumpy character, A cat with such fickle demands for food at a certain time, love and affection, ALL the time and the quietest of spaces when he needs them, working to catch him in mid his day you have to do so gently. The morning wakes up and on the kitchen table we can hear the faint sound of Radio 4, coffee and cake has him curious, “I want” is written in his eyes and for a split second outside the sash Victorian windows he is distracted by a washerwoman hanging her new clean wares, like a father who notices a wondering child, I say slowly like he’s going to answer “Who’s that?” and he staeres out the kitchen window to further find.
After the click and wind of the camera he drones a little the sun comes back out in the South of heavy England and we remember the sphinx is getting cold and the heat’s on.
With film i have to wait, like a girl waits for a boy outside the cinema, or probably the other way round, I wait for the colours to blend and fuse blur to give the image away and i see that second gone forever but at least the image remains, memory these days is what it’s all about, recall and smile, trying to find that love in your eyes, in your day – easing it till the end and you can close those eyes.