Author : Gregory Dunn

In making a stand for the common-or-garden air-filled balloon you are managing to cruelly neglect two of its distant cousins, both of whom receive an extremely raw deal in life. First is the condom, a balloon that rarely reaches its full dimensions unless abused by participants of stag parties who see fit to over fill it with oxygen and pull it over the top half of their heads. If used correctly, condoms have an equally hard time as they end up playing host to some random person’s penis who then proceeds to shove it where the the sun doesn’t shine before depositing their sperm in its latex confines and throwing it away.
The other air-consuming balloon that we should spare a thought for is the poor, overlooked whoopee cushion. What a terrible, undignified life it leads being constantly filled with a mixture of air and saliva only to be violently sat on in order to emulate the audio characteristics of flatulence!
So there you have it, balloons that find themselves sans helium, messages or numbers don’t have things too bad after all.

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